current mood: nostalgic

This will be a longer posting. I can just feel it. I rarely have a set plan when I blog and so why should this one be any different. I'm in the middle of moving out of my apartment and so going through all of my stuff has made me feel nostalgic.

1. Every move I have ever made I have been really excited for and has always caused me excitement. I always lived in the same house growing in Bloomington, MN, so, of course, I was really excited for my first move of my life. On a 100 degree day, my family and I moved my belongings to Ames, Iowa. I had no idea what to expect. I did not know my major, my roommate, the city, et cetera. All in all it turned out okay. My next move was a little more interesting. I knew one of my roommates, Andrew, fairly well but barely knew the other two guys I was going to live with -- Nimit and Jim (Jimit for short). But, we were moving into a beautiful new apartment and I was starting to enjoy college more and more each day. The move was great. My final year in college, Jimit and I moved to a place closer to campus. After a summer of basically just taking a couple of classes and relaxing, I couldn't wait to move. After graduation, Elyse and I had numerous discussions on whether we should live together or not. In the end, I was very excited and my year with Elyse in Roseville was the best of my life. I had never lived with a girl before and there were so many wonderful benefits. About a year after we lived in our Roseville apartment, we decided an upgrade was in order. I had received a nice raise in my job and Elyse was working for a new company that paid her more. So, we moved into a gorgeous apartment in Minneapolis. It had a whirl pool, great pool area, billiards, enormous master bedroom, et cetera. I was unsure if we could afford this place but Elyse's excitement sealed the deal. We moved to the Minneapolis apartment and I was really excited. Well, it has been a very sad, and crazy five months since we moved in and in three days I will be completing the cycle by moving back in with my parents. I don't quite know what the future will hold but this time I am not excited. Every move of my life was a step forward. This is at best a lateral, put the world on pause, move. For the first time in a long time, I am not excited about the future.

2. Moving absolutely sucks. Moving in the past has actually been kind of fun (or at least bearable.) For instance, this summer, even though it was really hot. My family, Elyse, Andrew, and Josh Koo all were instrumental in helping me move and there was a lot of joking around, eating, and even a little golf was played on that day with Josh Koo and me. Today, however, I took the day off of work and spent the whole day sorting, cleaning, and moving in the bitter, windy cold. I will be storing my stuff in a locker garage. It was just so barren and cold in every sense of the word. In my past, I moved my stuff into a new chapter of my life. Today, I moved my shirts and bike into a brief pause in my life. The locker represents no future, just temporary pauseness while I try to sort through the mess of my life. There was no chapter written today. My nostalgia has come from going through some of my old college papers I never threw away until today. My nostalgia came from reading through some old letters and cards that Elyse wrote to me. I think I kept them all. My nostalgia came from remembering happier times with all of my roommates in the past.

3. At this point, I don't know if I want to live by myself or with roommates. I know I don't want to live with random people though. I have now spent approximately 25 days in the past seven weeks living in the apartment by myself. I hated it. I felt lonely. Watching sports or movies is not at all fun by yourself. Going on a run by yourself is lonely. Making a nice dinner and eating it by yourself is lonely.

4. I don't know.